Monday, January 27, 2014

Tea




I purchased tea for my wife for Christmas. It was not her entire Christmas, just a part of it (see notes below). She loves tea. She is a tea expert. When she makes tea it is with filtered water, at the correct temperature. When we go out to eat, she lets me order the tea, and then if it is okay she will order some also.

So tea for Christmas seemed to be a great gift.

When the tea came it was in three cases. The cases said “tea”. So there was no surprise about this one present.

Here’s “the rub”. One of the unwritten social conventions upon which the foundations of modern society rests was violated by the person (who is otherwise almost perfect) accepting this gift. She may have unwittingly unwound the spring that drives the clock of all mankind forward. Gift giving may never be the same.

One of the REAL reasons for giving someone a gift that is consumable (don’t deny this, you know it is true) is the anticipation of helping the person who received the gift consume said gift. For example, if you give your wife one of those hearts that is full of chocolates for Valentine’s Day you expect and you look forward to getting a piece of chocolate from that assortment? Often the person receiving this gift will offer you a chocolate upon opening the package. This is normal. This is how it is done.

That example is how it works. That is how it has always worked. And thus, and therefore, gift giving is alive and well.

...but...

After Christmas I was looking for the tea. I could not find it.

“Where is the tea” I asked her.

“I hid it”, she said.

“Hid it? Why?”

“Because I know you would drink it.”

If this were court then the lawyer would turn to the judge and say “prima facie” which means… SEEEE!!! And the judge would bang down his gavel and say the legal words meaning, “Holy Cow, Yeah I see!”

See. The social bond that binds us all together has been broken. It is one of those unwritten rules that society has governed itself by for generations and it is all in danger of coming apart at the proverbial seams.

“Will I get to drink some? Ever?”

“Yes, but it is special so I’m saving it.” It was not a strong “yes”. It was a “yes” that had that bit of hesitation, that hint of a question to it, which interpreted from “wife speak” means, maybe. And I don’t mean the normal “maybe”, but the kind of maybe where the head turns away and the pitch of the word goes up toward the end. So in the present case “yes” really means “no”.

So I will report back to you when and if I ever get to drink any of that tea.

P.S. I wrote the tea maker and complained that their tea was too good and they needed to make a “B Grade” version so we slumps could have some. (I don’t know if slump is a word or what it really means, but I like it so I’m leaving it.) They responded, but not in the manner that would suggest a new “B Grade” tea is forthcoming.

Notes: She also got that machine that scrapes (micro abrades) the callous off your feet. She will have to get some callous first, so maybe I will use it until she grows some? And she got a set or wrenches and a red vacuum sweeper. RED, is of course decedent.

for more information about what she got for christmas...  http://www.freaknoid.com/2013/11/christmas-for-female-unit.html

©David L Arment

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