Wednesday, January 29, 2014

The Progressive School of Cursing

We need your help. There are many foreigners entering our country and although some of them have attempted to learn the language they face the social stigma and embarrassment from not knowing how to curse properly. The need is great and the resources are few. Literally no one is helping these few who need so much. 

A few dollars - really any amount - might mean the difference for some poor graduate student who may unknowingly call another student “an opening in one’s posterior regions”. This faux pas would result in this person being an outcast simply because they do not know how to curse properly. 

Help us stop this needless suffering. Let some poor foreigner know you care. We are opening “The Progressive School of Cursing”.

Our goal is to alleviate the embarrassment felt by many people attempting to fit into American Culture. 

Many people who move to this country are taught English, but the English attribute of cursing has been left for them to learn “willie nillie”, perhaps just catching bits and pieces of cursing on the streets. How is that way to learn? 

We provide a safe, comfortable alternative to picking up this needed information to the back streets and alleys these foreigners may otherwise need to turn to. 

In a real world example that might have actually happened, a highly trained Pakistanis Engineer who may have been (or was) surrounded by a group of managers and/or other engineers watch an automated production line fall apart and burst into a verbal rant, “May a Deity condemn you to an unpleasant afterlife”. 

I may have observed this actual event when we were in a production facility. 

We (“we” meaning me) were forced to take this engineer aside. I asked him, “What was that?” 

“Oh, I am so very sorry. I should not say such stringent things, but when the production line went out of control I could not help myself”. 

“I understand”, I said, “but the term is NOT, ‘May a deity condemn you to an unpleasant afterlife’. Where did you hear that?” 

“Why, sir, I heard it from you. In fact you say this all of the time when you are upset.” 

“No I say a lot of things but that is not one of them,” I said. I may have then been forced to give a cursing lesson on the spot. 

And while the cursing idiom, “May the fleas of a thousand camels inhabit your nose”, may sound very unpleasant it is better left in the land where it was conceived. No one here will respect you if they hear you say something like this. You will however earn a great deal of respect, self-confidence, fit into the social structure and become upwardly mobile if you can curse correctly. 

 Please send us your contributions. We are not yet a tax exempt organization but that is virtually guaranteed because we intend to put “Progressive” in the name. Maybe even “Communist”, which will assure us tax exempt status. 

If you choose not to help us then you are a son of a female mongrel who has no father! May a squirrel make a nest in the hair of your nether regions!

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